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Monday, June 28, 2010

Why some guys become players - ARTICLE

There is something you need to understand about men.

It has to do with players and how to relate to them.

The reason why men decide to be non committed is because they feel that it is more fun and more fulfilling not to be.

In other terms, they feel that having multiple connections with more than one woman is more fulfilling than being in a committed relationship.

Why do they feel that way?

It is because of their experience and sexual drive.

When you are in the dating world, these two directions conflict with each other all the time:

Are you going to be exclusive with someone or do you keep your options open.

People struggle a lot with that choice.

You have all the variations between one extreme and the other.

Some people will share zero intimacy before they are married.

Some others will stay within the uncommitted model and engage freely in having connections with multiple partners.

I know that this vision of both men and women having multiple partners can sound very different than the romantic dream you have in mind.

I am not sure about your preferences but if you are the committed type and frequently meet men who are not, this can be totally disturbing.

It's called UNREQUITED LOVE.

Unrequited love is when you love someone and that person doesn't love you back to the same extent.

That's the challenge that millions of people face on this planet every day.

This is the reason why having crush can feel so stressful.

It is because you love someone who might not love you back to the same extent.

The possibility or idea of not getting that person's love is stressful.

You end up thinking about that man a lot and have no idea about his feelings or desires for you.

During that time, what happens as well is the fact that your mind and emotions are being "rearranged".

You start imagining the possibilities of a life together.

Your fantasy world wakes up.

You feel desires.

All these emotions and thoughts happening in you are the reflection of something way deeper going on:

It is the interaction between your two energies.

His energy reality impacts on yours and all the emotions and thoughts that wake up in you are simply the visible part of this energy connection.

This energy connection is INVISIBLE.

We are talking about something that goes on in the subtle levels.

It is like a telepathic exchange that reflects and flows through your whole being.

It means that the impact of his energy rearranges your energy reality.

See how it works?

The reason why all these emotions storm through your being is because his energy impacts on yours.

Now, you realize that he is not even consciously directing directing all that to you.

He might not even know you like me.

He might not even know you exist!

YOU open yourself to his energy.

It is because that's something YOU want or trigger!

His energy suddenly has this impact on your life.

A picture on a facebook profile somewhere is not just a picture.

There is the digital object that you see and then there is the energy behind that object.

The energy behind that object is his mind, his spirit!

As you can see, there are lots of energy exchanges happening behind the scene.

The emotions or thoughts that you perceive in you are a tiny fraction of all the emotions that are actually happening.

You realize that most of what you feel and experience never reaches your awareness.

It means that you experience millions of thoughts, emotions in your being and most of these never reach the surface of your mind.

They stay hidden in your subconscious mind.

So, back to players!

What are they?

They are guys who like a lot the interaction with women in the dating world and enjoy their freedom.

They know how to flirt with you.

They express confidence.

They are usually fun.

You can as well often feel them trying to manipulate you.

You can see them as predators and often feel like their pray.

So, how do you know a guy is a player and what do you do next?

Well, you know a guy is a player if he expresses a clear desire to stay free.

You usually see warning signs in the way he dresses and behaves in social situations.

If you go for having sex at a first date, it usually hits you the following morning as you see him getting emotionally distant.

This is why, I usually encourage women to take it very gradually unless you are a player too and simply want to have fun.

If you are looking for a committed relationship and he is not, you face a situation of conflicting interests.

Your plan and his plan don't match.

I am not judging his game here, ok?

I think that both your plan and his plan are valid.

They both work.

They simply clash on a subtle level when you confront them with each other.

One of the best ways to find out about his plans is to ask him direct questions in a light way.

In other terms, you can have and open and fun conversation in which you tease him.

You can say things like: "Guys like you get many girls, right?" Smile, look at him straight in the eyes and watch his reaction.

That's one test.

The next test is to observe his behavior over the first few weeks when you are dating.

Is he the committed type?

Does he speak about his desire to be just with one person?

Does he behave that way?

If you want to know, really listen to the signs and don't fool yourself, ok?

When you are in your romantic dream, you might deny what you actually see.

It's only later when you are faced with the real facts, for instance seeing him with someone else that it really hits you.

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I have something important to tell you about people in the dating world.

Most men and women will keep their options open for a while.

This means that when you go on a date with a guy, very often that guy will have other possible women in his mind.

It is the same for women.

It is rare for a woman to have just one guy in her mind when she is on a first date with a man.

I observe that all the time.

It could be a coworker she likes, an ex who just called her two days earlier, a taxi driver who winked at her while she was getting out of the cab, etc.

Most women and men have more than one option.

Look at your own life and your first date examples.

Take the last couple of first dates you had.

Was the guy you were with the only man in your mind, or were you still interacting with an ex you still liked, had been flirting with a cool coworker the same morning, or were planning to go on a date with another man you met a few days earlier?

See how it works?

If this is what was going on for you, I can tell you that it goes on for most people who go on a first date.

A first date is not a committed step. It is a compatibility test.

The fact that you have other options doesn't make you a player.

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Oups! a few pages later and I just realize I didn't answer the original question: why some guys become players.

Here we go:

It is because they feel that their sexual and emotional needs can't be fulfilled by just one woman.

The reason they think that way is because we do have a procreation instinct embedded in us.

Go back 400'000 years ago in time.

As human beings we faced prehistoric moments in which humankind was on the verge of extinction!

Glaciation time, lack of food, predators, sicknesses!

The survival of the human race has been threatened more than once.

Now, a simple way to strengthen our chances of survival as a human race is our sexual drive!

Imagine that the human race was threatened.

What would give us the greatest chances of survival?

Having very exclusive couple like sexual behaviors or having strong males behaving like prehistoric players and fecundating as many women as they could?

I honestly believe that you have to go back that far to understand the player's drive.

It is related with a survival instinct embedded very deep in humankind's subconscious.

So, if this is the case, where does commitment come from?

Commitment is related with a similar instinctual behavior aimed at protecting children that were born.

A woman with kids and without a man to protect them was VERY vulnerable in those times.

She needed the protection of a powerful male to give her and her kids safety.

Think about it:

Why is it that when a boat sinks it is an accepted fact that children and women need to be protected first and men can be sacrificed?

It is because children can eventually grow up, procreate and strengthen the survival chances of the human race.

Women must be there to feed the children and procreate further.

Again, take this example:

Imagine a tribe on an lost island in which you have 200 women and one guy who somehow made it.

The chances of survival are high because just this one guy could in theory fecundate all these 200 women.

(Let's forget about genetic limitations in this example - It is just to make a point.)

Now, take the same island but instead of 200 women and one man, you have 200 men and one woman.

Which island will do best in terms of survival of the human species?

Got it, right?

You have of course, many more instincts embedded in our subconscious minds with lots of variations.

For instance many women will engage in having multiple sex partners too.

The "player" instinct is not just male, it is female too.

What does it mean? That in certain circumstances, a committed woman will have less chances of procreating than a committed one.

Imagine that the partner she chose is sterile.

No kids?

In the specie's survival mind set no kids for a healthy woman who is fertile is not an option, right?

This is why this woman in prehistoric times is better off trying procreating with more than one partner.

Honestly, I am even convinced that this is the reason why cheating is so common in society. It is because that specific instinct is still present in the human mind.

I do believe that all romantic ideas that were built around love life and sex came later.

In my opinion everything we experience in terms of sexual behaviors started in these prehistoric cave times.

The romantic vision of love came later as a way to add beauty and refinement to our sexual behaviors.

It is like a river fertilizing the valley and creating beauty wherever it streams.

The water is the fertile drive flowing towards the sea.

The valley is the human mind.

The trees and flowers growing as a result are the thoughts and emotions associated with sexual behaviors. They are our romantic culture.

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What are pick up artists?

A pick up artist is someone who developed and trained the art of approaching women.

In the whole player scene, the art of pick up is the art of mastering the first stage of the dating interaction.

So, imagine this:

Nature embeds this original survival need in us thousands of years ago.

Today you have men and women expressing behaviors which are simply inherited from this original natural impulse.

This is why many men choose to be players: it is because an instinctual drive embedded in them directs them to do so.

Now, something you need to understand too:

When a player meets a woman who expresses a very high level of sexual confidence and he can emotionally connect with that woman, he might give up his player behavior and be happy with just her.

You will be amazed of how many pick up teachers are actually happily committed.

They could go back to playing, but they PREFER being with that one girl.

Why? Because what they experience with her is fulfilling enough and they don't see the need to look further.

Even a player might get tired of endlessly performing his game and want to relax in the arms of a woman he feels totally connected to.

Now for you, the difference between dating a player and a committed type of guy is the fact that the player will usually have way more options.

This means that when you are in a player's circle, competition is much tougher.

To be NUMBER ONE in a player's mind, you need to be better and more connected to him than any other woman.

This is where your sexual confidence and sexual skills will play a major role.

It is one one of the key factors a player will listen to when making his final choice.

Another essential fact:

If you date a player and have sex with him, he will compare you to other women.

I know that this is a solid hit on anyone's romantic dream.

I know... It is not fair but this is what most people do!

They compare!

When confronted with the possibility to choose, they go for what's best, right?

This is a high level of sexual confidence and high sexual skills give you a solid competitive edge in the dating world.

Of course, sexual performance is NOT the only aspect of your personality a guy will connect to.

You have many more aspects in your personality which are equally or even more important sometimes.

You have for instance character, looks, personal situation like career and finances, social circle, etc.

All these aspects ARE important!

To help you understand how essential sexual confidence and sexual performance are, let's take this example:

You go on a date with a great guy.

Everything goes well until you are on a bed with him.

His kisses are very pushy! Not subtle at all!

Then you have intercourse and he comes very fast while you're still just getting warmed up.

In your mind you might give him a sexual performance mark of 2 out of 10, right?

Will you give him another chance?

If he compensates with his wealth or great sense of humor, you might...

In so many cases though, he will either drop in the friend zone or into the dating disaster category.

See how it works?

Poor sexual performance is often a deal breaker!

Similarly, incredible sexual performance can be a deal maker!

Players keep on playing until they meet a "jewel" who is able to give them incredible pleasure!

Why do people say that the path to a man's heart is through his stomach?

Yeah, right!

It's not through his stomach!

The sensuality you experience in food is only a tiny fraction of the incredible fulfilling delight you can experience through intimate sexual encounters.

Of course, food triggers sensuality.

Yes, it is part of the sensual pleasures you can have with someone.

But the REAL deal when if comes to connecting with a man is if you can wake up his sexual desire and bring him to an ecstatic state of sexual trance at will.

Players keep on playing because they feel that the path to such extreme delights happens through having multiple sexual partners.

They are in search of this ultimate sexual experience.

Now, I have seen women who are so incredibly skilled in the sexual arts and the way they express themselves that guys are incredibly drawn to them.

Even a player will keep on coming for more if what he experiences with a woman goes beyond his wildest expectations.

Surprise him! You will be amazed by what he does next!

The new saying could be:

"The gate to a man's heart is through the sexual pleasure he will experience when he has sex with you".

What's YOUR experience?

What do you think?

Feel free to share and post in the comments or send me a mail - I think it's a fascinating topic and want to know what you think...