I was involved with a guy that I fell for, hard. He has some commitment issues, doesn't want the obligations of a day to day relationship. I stopped sleeping with him, but we haven't stopped seeing each other, this guy is my best friend / road trip partner / workout buddy / weekend buddy and we share a social group that gets together weekly.
We are the perfect couple, except for the fact that we are not a couple. Trust, respect, communication, friendship, compatibility, great sex... It's all there! This weekend he and I are going camping. I don't know how to act, when we are out together he still wants to rest his hand on my leg driving down the street or touch my back, hold my hand, etc.
He is nearer my heart than anyone, but I want either a friendship with him or a relationship with him, not something in between that is compatible with his fears. I don't want to lose his friendship, but I also don't want to be an enabler for his relationship issues.
Last time we were together I told him I wasn't going to sleep with him again, I don't think he believes me. I did let him hold my hand and gave him a kiss when I left. (A chaste kiss, not the ones we have shared before). I am confident that I will not sleep with him, not without his commitment to try to open his heart and discuss his fears.
I can say without hesitation that I know he cares about me, enjoys my company, has told me on several occasions that he has no doubt we would be great together. Whatever his problems are, though (Married young, long time relationship, wife cheated. Married again, didn't last. Has a nice little life and routine now that he is happy with) he doesn't want to deal with them and I can't help him if he's happy with just ignoring them and having his needs met in other aspects of his life.
Should I walk away from this? As long as I know him I will always harbor some hope that he will decide he does want a relationship. Am I headed for heartache with this guy (again... It was hell when I broke things off with him, still hurts) or should I "hold on loosely".
I'm really confused as to how to act around him and where to draw the line, especially when he knows how I feel. In his defense, he would never say something he didn't mean to get to me, he's a good guy and he's always been honest about his feelings (though they tend to change day to day). He's scared of an intimate relationship with me, I'm not the least bit scared of one with him. Is this unhealthy for me?
Not seeing him is not an option, the group that we are both part of is very important to me and I will not walk on my friends. We would never have a problem being civil to each other. (The group thinks we belong together, also...though they tend to stay out of our business as we are all friends). Thanks. I hope you can offer me some fresh advice before the trip this weekend.
I really love your story!
I will be very direct with you, okay?
What is happening is a conflict of power. It is your vision against his. I believe that both options are valid. What matters is what you want.
I believe you can make the situation shift in your "advantage" but this will require some deep determination, vision and extra power.
You can both win here.
Are you ready to do what it takes to get what you want?