Let's call this "level 1" spying.
In fact it is not even called spying.
It is called being curious.
In involves simple elements like recognizing the hand writing on the envelope of a letter he just received.
Another time, you might over hear a phone conversation he has with an ex simply because you happen to be there.
It happens because you are confronted with it. You were not really looking for it.
When you ask him where he has been, or what he did, it can be along the same line. This is more sneaky and can be more invasive though.
You will say things like:
"I was worried about you!"
When in fact you were wondering with who he was and why he was not home at 6pm as usual.
This can become invasive if it is overdone and systematic of course.
The next level of spying (level 2) is when you actively take action to check what he's up to.
This involves checking his profile on a dating site to see if he has been active on it lately.
It is still non invasive to a point because you don't betray his privacy. His profile is there for everyone to see.
In the next stage (level 3), you definitely cross the line:
- You check his cell phone records.
- You check his text messages.
- You enter his email account.
- You read his personal mail.
- You search his belongings looking for clues,
This one is a big No-No unless you have very good reasons to believe he is cheating on you.
It is an invasion of his privacy!
Realize that when you take that step, this could be a deal breaker for your relationship if he finds out about it.
There is one more level after that (level 4) which is following him, using detective tactics on him or hiring someone to do that!
The exact definition or model of these spying levels is not that important. I just made them up to make you realize that not all spying is the same.
Now, many women will indulge in a level 1 "spying-curiosity".
They ask questions. They are exposed to signs of his activities and who he is seeing.
That one is usually okay.
Now if you took any other step (level 2-4) or you aggressively ask him invasive questions about his activities over and over again, you probably start falling in the category of unwanted jealousy attitudes, right?
You want to get rid of that.
If you went to level 3 one time, thought he was cheating and found nothing, listen to that sign, forgive yourself and go back to the "I trust you" pattern.
Now, the best way to stop spying on him is to consciously drop it.
When you are tempted, you just sit down, wait for a minute and repeat to yourself:
"I am here to protect your freedom, not to limit you."
Depending on the intensity of your tendency to spy on him, it can easily take a month of focus to shift that behavior.
Even if you fall back, listen to the signs and what you found.
If he is not cheating, see it as a learning experience and use it to shift your behavior in the future.
If you found nothing, this usually means that your suspicions were ungrounded.
Spying on him is just another expression of your jealousy or insecurity. It is another way of expressing it.
Sometimes, you can express it verbally, other times you express it via this type of spying behaviours.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What is the level, intensity and frequency of your spying/curiosity?
- Does it bother either you or him?
This will tell you exactly how urgent it is for you to take action.
The full set of strategies to get rid of both spying and jealousy are explained in detail in your e-book and MP3 audios. If you are a woman fighting with this specific issue, these are the resources you want to get now!
To your power!